The Yes You Almost Didn’t Say
By Jesse Yi-Gray, Director of Music
Have you ever said yes to something without feeling fully sure?
Not a bold, confident yes. A hesitant one. A yes behind gritted teeth or a nervous laugh. The yes that came with more fear than certainty. The yes you almost didn’t say.
Sometimes, it’s those hesitant yesses where God shapes us most.
I remember being an incoming sixth-grader going to my youth group in Carson City, Nevada. The only thing I cared about at the time was music, and music was all I wanted to do. However, I was never going to put myself out there as someone capable of being a part of a worship team. I was new and anxious, and I had never been a part of any musical groups outside of school. The thought of being on the youth group worship team was so terrifying that I would go out of my way to avoid the youth pastor or worship leader whenever I would go to the church.
One night, I was playing Fruit Ninja with my buddies on the church’s third-generation iPad (which was crazy for a youth group to have in 2012), and I looked up to see our youth pastor standing in front of me. He pulled me into his office to meet with the youth worship leader. My cover was blown. They knew I was a musician and asked me to audition. Being an immense people pleaser, I hesitantly agreed and headed to the sanctuary, hopped behind the church drum set and played along to whatever worship songs they threw my way.
As you could probably guess, I fell deeply in love with worship, worship music, and being a part of a musical community that uplifted the name of God together, and that is what eventually led me to being here at Chapel Hill. However, sixth-grade Jesse had no intentions on ever being the one to say yes. The yes that I gave was a very hesitant, anxious yes that I didn’t feel equipped to give.
Luckily, I’m not alone in hesitant yesses. Many have been called into something that they don’t necessarily want to agree to and end up saying yes out of obligation or anxiety or FOMO. We even see this in scripture.
- Moses, who gave every excuse he could on why God shouldn’t use him to save his people from Egyptian rule
- Jonah, who only said yes to God’s mission for him after being swallowed by a fish
- Jeremiah, who hesitated in accepting his calling a prophet due to his anxiety of being too young
- Ananias, who questioned and doubted God’s instruction to meet with Saul, but who chose to obey despite that doubt
Yet, the kingdom work of God is still accomplished through these people. God took their hesitant, delayed, resigned yesses and used them to bring people closer to him. And God still accepts our hesitant yesses today.
We tend to think that perfect obedience requires clarity and confidence beforehand. But God’s faithfulness has never depended on our confidence. We see time and time again that God meets us where we are. In our uncertainty, in our anxiety, in our doubt. That was true in Scripture, and it’s just as true now.
So what is your yes today?
It doesn’t have to be five things, or a lifelong commitment. Just one next thing. One singular action, trusting God with an intentional yes.
Before today ends, act on it. Send that one text to connect with a friend. Email back the person who asked you to volunteer. Take one step towards that thing you’ve been avoiding.
God has never required a confident yes, just an honest one.
So today, pray. Ask God to reveal what that one yes should be. Give that yes, no matter how hesitant or resigned or doubtful it may be.
And trust that God will meet you there.
Jesse