Feeling Lonely at Church?
By Jenna Arnold, Director of Digital Outreach
I’ve attended church my whole life, and there have been seasons of belonging—and seasons of deep loneliness. One of the biggest differences between those seasons, I eventually realized, was me.
I remember one Sunday sitting in church feeling transparent, like no one would have noticed if I’d disappeared. Then the pastor said something that stuck with me: “If you’re lonely in church, it might be because you’re showing up right on time, leaving right after the last song, and not getting involved outside Sunday worship.” That hit hard. Because that was exactly what I was doing. I was expecting connection to find me, without ever making room for it.
So I decided to do something about it. I joined a LifeGroup, even though it felt like one more thing to cram into an already busy week. I made a point to come to church a little early and leave a little later—long enough to have a real conversation, even if it was small talk at first. I started inviting people for coffee, and I learned something along the way: any smaller group is great for making friends. A Serve Team that works together regularly is already its own kind of small group.
It wasn’t easy. At first, I felt awkward and out of place. I worried I’d say the wrong thing or that no one would remember my name. But slowly, something shifted. The more I showed up, the less invisible I felt. Familiar faces turned into genuine friendships. Conversations that started with “How was your week?” grew into prayers, laughter, and shared life.
One Sunday morning, I saw a woman sitting by herself and decided I’d be the one to say hello. It was, without a doubt, one of the most awkward interactions I’ve ever had. I stumbled over my words, turned bright red, and I’m pretty sure I blurted out something like, “Sorry, I’m so socially awkward…I’m trying to say hi and failing at it.” And you know what? We both started laughing. That moment of awkward honesty turned into a real conversation. It turns out that failing at saying hi can still be a successful way to start a friendship.
That moment reminded me that connection doesn’t come from getting everything right—it comes from showing up honestly. People don’t need us to be polished; they just need us to be present. Sometimes the most genuine friendships start when we stop trying to impress and simply admit we’re human.
Somewhere in the middle of all that, I started to see what Psalm 68:6 means when it says, “God sets the lonely in families.” The Church isn’t just a place to attend; it’s a family to belong to. Not a perfect one (families never are) but a place where God keeps bringing people together so that none of us has to walk alone.
Over the years, I’ve learned something that isn’t always popular to say: loneliness is, at least in part, a choice. Not the ache we feel when connection is missing—that’s human—but the decision to stay there. We can choose to isolate ourselves or to take the first step toward community. God created us for connection, but he doesn’t force it on us. He invites us into it.
And most of the time, that invitation looks small. It looks like saying,
- “Hey, I think I’ve seen you here before—how long have you been coming?”
- “That sermon really made me think. What stood out to you?”
- “I’m heading to get coffee after service—want to come?”
Simple questions can open big doors. And you’d be surprised how many people are waiting for someone to ask them.
If you’ve been slipping in and out of church feeling unseen, maybe this is your week to do something brave. Stay a few minutes longer. Join a LifeGroup or Serve Team. Sit next to someone new. Take the risk of starting a conversation. It won’t be perfect—but it will be worth it.
Because the truth is, you’re not as alone as you feel. You’re surrounded by people who want the same thing you do: real connection, real friendship, real community. And when you take that first step, you might just find that God already had a family waiting for you.
Jenna